


untitled

by Auxvia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 16:09:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3176936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auxvia/pseuds/Auxvia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally written for a prompt from spnfan19 on tumblr around two years ago. Dean finds out about Sam’s attempted suicide after Dean went to Purgatory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	untitled

**Author's Note:**

> I decided that crossposting my tumblr fics would be a good idea.

It started off with a note.

Dean had been rifling through Sam’s bag, searching for something or other, and his hand had found a sheet of paper. It was folded up notebook paper, stained with coffee and stinking of gunpowder and Sam’s bag. He almost tossed it aside, before he noticed a word scribbled on it.

_Dean._

Dean very carefully unfolded the paper, making sure not to tear its flimsy edges.

_Dean._

_I thought you would come back. You always come back. But then a week went by, and two weeks, and I had no idea where you were, and I had nobody. If you’re reading this, that means I did it. It means I jumped off that stupid bridge by Bobby’s house that we used to throw rocks from and didn’t survive._

_Figures that that would be the one thing I was successful at._

_If you’re reading this, it also means that you came back, some way or another. I’m sorry I couldn’t wait. But living without you is like living without air. I didn’t have anything. I was so empty. I’m so sorry. Please don’t bring me back._

_I love you._

_-Sammy._

  
Dean inhaled sharply. He ran a hand roughly through his hair, looking anywhere around the cramped motel room but the note. He bit down on his lip, and almost crammed the note back in the bag, but thought better of it and held it in his hand, proof that Sam hadn’t given up like Dean had accused him.

All that time. Sam had looked for him. He had just not been able to hold on long enough to find him. Dean felt his stomach drop as he thought of the way he pointed a gun at his little brother, yelling at him for abandoning him. Cursed penny or not, he had hurt Sam. Guilt burned in the pit of his stomach.

The door to the hotel room swung open as Sam walked in carrying a newspaper.

“No leads in this one. Do you-” Sam stopped when he noticed the way Dean was crouched by his bag. His eyes traveled down to Dean’s trembling hand, to the all-too-familiar note clutched in it. Sam didn’t say anything, just put his newspaper down on one of the beds and walked over to where Dean was kneeling.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Dean asked, his eyes traveling up and up to where Sam’s eyes were gazing down at him.

Sam swallowed, looking over at the windows. “It doesn’t matter.”

“God dammit, Sam- yes it does.”

“I’m gonna take a shower.” Sam made for the bathroom, but Dean got up and intercepted his path.

“Look at me.” He demanded.

Sam took in a shuddering breath, then turned his gaze to Dean. His eyes were surprisingly dry, but his jaw was set in the way that Dean could tell he was holding back tears.

“You weren’t supposed to find that.” Sam said quietly.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“I thought we don’t do chick flick moments.”

“And I thought you were better at hiding things.” The corner of Dean’s mouth twitched.

“Yeah, well.” Sam snorted a bit, rubbed at his now-wet eyes. He dropped his gaze back to his feet.

“You gonna be okay?” Dean asked.

Sam nodded. “You’re here.” He muttered, almost as though he were embarrassed to say it.

“And if I’m not?” Dean didn’t want to ask, but he had to know. Sam lifted his gaze from his shoes up to Dean’s eyes.

“I don’t know.” He answered.

Dean nodded. He wasn’t happy with the answer, but it was what he expected.

“Can I take a shower now?”

“Go for it.” Dean stepped aside so Sam could get to the bathroom. He began walking towards the bathroom. “Sammy.” Dean said abruptly. Sam stopped, glancing back at his big brother.

“Yeah?”

“I- I don’t know what I’d do, either. If you…” Dean said. Sam looked at his brother for another moment, processing what he said.

“Yeah.” Sam understood what his brother was saying. Words weren’t needed.

“Take your shower. You stink.”

Sam smirked, and shut the bathroom door behind him. Moments later, Dean heard the gentle spray of the shower head.

“Yeah.” Dean said quietly to himself. He made to crumple up the note, but stopped. He carefully tore off the bottom, the _‘I love you.’_ He tossed the rest of the note in the trash. “Love you too.”


End file.
